Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Pigs on Pregnancy, Part Two

Part One is here.

11. Fur: Apparently? Some people? Grow fur. Everywhere. Some people get a nice dark line down their bellies. Me? I get fur. Just a nice soft downy streak, but it's still fur.

12. Blinding Leg Cramps: Middle of the night, sit straight up in bed leg cramps. Offers to help rub it out are met with a "Get away from me NOW!" growl. The only way to get rid of it is to point the toes up and grit your teeth. Have recently discovered can be prevented by drinking more water
and doing calf stretches before bed.

13. Spilling: I don't have a lot of maternity clothes, and every single shirt I own has stains on the boobs and stomach. Everything that's aimed for my mouth somehow winds up on my front. It reminds me of old folks in the home and makes me feel sad and lame.

14. Noctural Vurps: For me, there are two choices. I can prop my head up on three pillows and suffer a neck ache, or I can use the standard one pillow and awaken to an acidic vurp. I find that the neck pain usually works its way out by mid-morning.

15. Random Nocturnal Awakening, non-vurp: Sometimes? I just wake up. Occasionally as related to a pee, but usually just wide awake from say, two to four in the morning. Just hangin' out. I tend to read. Or dwell upon world politics.

16. The Turtle: I can no longer lie on any couch or bed or sit upon any chair other than the kitchen variety. Well, I can. In fact, I can very well. It's the getting out part that gets me. Some afternoons I have lain upon the couch for an extra 45 minutes or an hour just waiting for Mike to come home and haul me out. Getting out of bed involves a lot of huffing and puffing and flinging of pillows. Mike has requested that I start announcing, "Incoming" when returning to bed so that he can take cover.

17. Dragon Breathing: Occasionally, the Piglet likes to play in my rib cage. Like little monkey bars, I imagine. He kicks his little legs up there and just plunders around, rendering me breathless. Again, reminds me of old folks in the home. Limited breathing after seemingly little effort.

18. Dead Sexy Harness : I believe technically, it's probably called a support or something, but some days it's the only thing that relieves my back pain. And let me reiterate....It. Is. HOT. Saucy. Some might say bewitching. I proudly traipse around the house in mine. One day the UPS guy is going to get an eye full.

19. New rings: You get to have new jewelry. When my sausage fingers outgrew the wedding bands, I purchased a fine $17 wedding-like band with diamond-like stones. I've worn it for about a month and it's only now turning my finger slightly green.

20. It's Alive! People should warn you that your entire belly will suddenly lurch from side to side. You might be sitting in church, opening presents at a shower or driving, but the movement will knock you off balance. This kid is STRONG.

This concludes Pigs on Pregnancy, Month 8.75. (Not that I'm counting)

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