I'm almost 30 because...

1. When the school-wide digital clocks abruptly changed from 10:54 to 6:15, I failed to see the hilarity of the situation. I simply could not for the life of me realize why we could not just look at the "old-fashioned" clock with the hands to ascertain the time of day. Failing to see the humor in hilarious comments such as, "It's really dinnertime!" or "I should be watching Spongebob now!", I covered up the digital clock, thereby forcing my students to [gasp!] learn to tell time using hands once and for all.

2. I called the cops on some teenagers speeding through the neighborhood today. Seriously. And I did it the Crazy Old Lady way: In my sweatsuit and sock feet, I padded brusquely out to my garage, started my car, and tailed the perps down the street. I stopped my car blatantly in the middle of the road and let them see me copying their license number onto my trusty notepad, then I went home and called in a non-emergency citizen's report.

3. I am extraordinarily irritated because not one, but BOTH of my room parents just now - 5 minutes ago - bailed on me for the Valentine's Day soiree tomorrow. When I taught inner city kids, I would have never even considered having a parent to help me. I would've brought in some cookies myself, we would have made valentines in class, and we might have decorated a bag to hold said valentines. All by myself.
In Yuppieville, USA the Valentine's Day party is a fiesta! A fiesta which currently involves (as best I can tell, as I have not been even a remote part of this planning process) Valentine's mailboxes, a series of games (Spin the Bottle?!), and an ice cream sundae bar. Yes, sir. An ice cream sundae bar. And guess who allegedly gets to run this now??? ME! I am livid. This party is going to run like a military operation. You. Do. Not. Ditch. The. Teacher. On. Party. Day. When. You. Plan. A. Huge. Stinkin'. Party!!! [ungrit teeth] BAH!