Tuesday, October 25, 2005


Forgot to mention that the foot doc put me on some anti-inflammatory meds to calm my toe down some. I obediently took the samples without reading the enclosed information. [I have some mild paranoia which causes me to believe that I suffer from any and all side effects listed on the Patient Care Pamphlet.] [Say, did I ever mention that I abhor the word "pamphlet"? Particularly when people pronounce it without the "h". Digressing again...] Long story short, one of the side effects is drowsiness. Guess who spent today in a stupor?

It was actually kind of interesting. The kids are just as irritating in a stupor, but it bothers me a lot less. I would catch myself gazing at them blankly for a few seconds before waving them away with a loopy grin. Ironically, the day I come to school drugged out of my mind was the first day of Red Ribbon Week, a national drug-free promotion involving, as far as I can tell, the signing of pledges and the wearing of ridiculous hats. I'm not certain that the kids are connecting the "Put a Cap on Drugs" campaign in which they get to wear idiotic and distracting hats to school to the actual message that they shouldn't do drugs. Eh? Bygones.

In a move possibly related to my stupor, I managed to spill coffee on my shirt and chili on my pants before 1:00. Nothing says class like a teacher in need of a bib. Two different teachers told me that they can't get my class to be quiet when they are trying to teach them. (No kidding, really?) I gave my class my very best stab at a Come To Jesus meeting while I was under the influence of my meds. I thought it was pretty guilt-invoking and meaningful until a student said, "Hey! What happened to your foot?!" I just closed my eyes and shook my head. How freakin' out of it are you to miss a week of your teacher on crutches and two weeks in a walking shoe. HOW? This moment epitomizes my general frustration level with my class.

Fortunately, my day ends with giggles. When my class was returned from PE, one of my students rushed up to me, panic written all over her face. She spoke urgently with her teeth gritted together, "MRS! I went to schmile at the mushic teacher and shomething popped in my jaw! It hursch!" I stifled a laugh and sent her off to the nurse clutching her face in horror. I'll have to keep an eye on her, my accident-prone nature may be contagious.

Then! A parent from last year swung by to tell me how much she missed the challenge that I provided her child last year! Did you hear that? She. Misses. It. Oh, I wish I could bottle that up and give it to my current set of parents. Same thing every year...they complain while they have the Pig and miss her when she's gone. Pbbbbbbbt! I say. Pishposh.

Needless to say, I left on a high note. A couple of my students were walking to the parking lot with their parents the same time I was. I waved and started my car, the door still open. You can imagine my surprise and alarm when Eminem's Without Me starting blaring from my car. I must've been rocking out to something else this morning when I turned off the car, but I doubt my students expected to hear:

Well if you want Shady, this is what I'll give ya
A little bit of weed mixed with some hard liquor
Some vodka that'll jump start my heart quicker...

I can just hear the comments at home now: "Mrs. was kind of stoned today! She spilled all over herself and listened to Eminem!" Excellent.

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